Do I need therapy?

When should we consider involving a therapist?

I notice that when people reach out to me, they’ve often been struggling for a long time. People can wait for months, even years, before they send an email to enquire or make a call.

Why do we put off seeing a therapist?

We live in a culture where seeing a therapist is taboo. Even therapists can feel hesitation about approaching another professional for help! No wonder so many of us soldier on alone or drag our feet when it comes to reaching out for therapeutic help.

And yet, most human beings have experienced painful or traumatic life events. It makes me sad that, in our world, we see asking for help as a weakness rather than a healthy act, an indication of genuine strength and a wish to grow.

Because I take a strong anti-stigma stance, I like to take opportunities to share that I have had a lot of therapy in my own life. I grew whilst in the care of each of the therapists who accepted me as their client.

Before most of us come to therapy, usually a feeling has been building of something being amiss in life. Something about how we are living our life, or how we feel about it. Something feels wrong. A deep desire for change emerges.  

I’d love this to be the point when people reach out to me for help! But typically what happens is we try to push these feelings away. We wait in hope for them to pass. We try different things to cope. Some may even be quite helpful.

… But the problem itself remains in the background, not really getting any better, sometimes getting worse.

Time passes.

Sometimes a lot of time passes!  

We’re still struggling with our problem. We might now feel some shame, starting to be hard on ourselves for not having managed to shift the problem. We may try even harder to manage alone.

We stop mentioning how we feel to friends, worried about burdening them or sensing that they don’t understand. We may start to think vaguely about getting professional support yet not feel ready to take steps. There’s often anxiety about what to say, how a conversation with a therapist might go, whether we will feel understood, even whether we might be rejected by the therapist, shamed or judged.

Some issues might feel secretive. We might have a public persona that’s successful or outgoing, and feel shame associated with more hidden behaviours. The idea of allowing another person into that private world can feel … well, scary. Or we might have gone through experiences that feel shameful and “not for sharing”. We might by this point feel very alone.

Sometimes, the arrival of children in life triggers memories of how difficult our own childhood was. Recognising the vulnerability of your own child – how little, how dependent they are - can trigger memories of how it felt to be small yourself. There might be sadness attached to giving care to a child when you did not receive much care yourself growing up. Or there might be a strong wish to be a very different sort of parent to your children.

At some point, there’s a strong feeling of “I can’t deal with this any longer by myself. I need help”. 

This is such an authentic statement for a human being to make.

And the decision to act is powerful. Because most people who could probably benefit from therapy will never go. Only those with courage will contact a therapist or stand at the door of a therapist’s office and step inside. It is an act of trust and of hope.

If you find a therapist that you click with - someone that makes you feel hopeful, comforted, and heard - and you feel encouraged to make an appointment and attend: well, you’ve already accomplished so much.

Therapy won’t be easy but if you’re dedicated and committed, there’s a very good chance you’ll move forward.

I wrote this blog to encourage people:

-          Not to feel shame or hesitation about seeking therapy

-          To come sooner rather than later if you can

-          To feel hopeful. There’s lots of evidence that therapy helps!

To have a conversation about starting therapy with me, use the button below. I’d like to hear from you and I will always respond, usually the same day.

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